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I would make Seattle look like a Family Circus cartoon!
…at least you can trail the guy who tries to steal your bike.
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I chose not to explain
Post-meeting pee. On the way back to the office from the head, spot voicemail. Check voicemail. Reply to message with a text.
Did you spot the missing step? It was this: Look up whilst texting and be sure to go back to correct office.
I imagine the architects down the hall were a mite curious as to why some disheveled lady staggered into their office, exclaimed, “Oh, shit!” and ran out. -
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The best thing my dog ever ate
themoderatelyambitiousscientist:
Was a full tube of glitter.
He was about 8 weeks old. I came home to find him sitting quietly but looking ill. I went to my closet to change and saw the glitter tube, broken and on the floor. I walked back to him and he had vomited a pile of silver glitter. It was coating his mouth, his gums, his tongue. I gave him water and a hug.
For weeks afterward when we went for walks I would pick up little puppy disco shits.
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I need a moment alone
Oh, heavens. That’s right. I took a multivitamin today.
I was really scared there for a second.
Whew.
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Anonymous asked: why are there no pants in space?
Because there was no room left in the suitcases after all of the jumpsuits, pajamas, miniskirts-and-gogo-boots combos and bathrobe/toga thingies were packed.
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No. I have no explanation. Sorry.
Once upon a time, a long time ago — we’re talking 25 years or so — I got Gary Busey and Kris Kristofferson confused.
This didn’t cause me any long term damage. If I ever got them mixed up in front of anyone, well, I don’t remember and no harm done.
However, “Me & Bobby McGee” is extra weird to me. Always will be. Go ahead! Picture Mr. I’ll Rip Out Your Endocrine System singing it.
Lollers, no?
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I’m out of coffee
I sat down at my desk, turned on my computer, put on my glasses and went hunting for the setting to turn up the brightness on my monitor.
And then I realized that I had put on sunglasses.
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Penny
Submitted by Elizabeth
